Photoshop Mash Up: Oprah Winfrey/Live Free or Die Hard

The real poster can be seen here

Luck is My Estranged Wife

Luck, be a lady tonight. A great song by the late, great Frank Sinatra. It always crosses my mind when I'm in Vegas. I wouldn't call myself a gambler, but when I go to Vegas I become one. Shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. I mean its Vegas, thats what its for.

I remember my first two trips to Vegas. I met Luck those weekends. The first time I met her was on a measly penny slot machine. It was a Star Wars themed machine. I couldn't resist. Its difficult to win $50 on a penny machine but it happened. I told Luck I'd be back soon, and I'm a man of my word. The next time I visited Vegas, I ended up proposing to Luck on a blackjack table. I had one of the best hot streaks I've ever seen. I turned $20 into $300+. Luck was a lady and she was my lady.

Something changed on my third trip. I asked Luck to marry me. I figured this whole casino thing was mine for the taking and that I would only get better in winning money. I believe my cocky attitude and my appetite for being a lush created a problem in our relationship. Luck loved me, but hated who I had become.

Suddenly I wasn't winning much anymore. It quickly turned to me not winning at all. Trip after trip I came back to Los Angeles with money lost. I realized Luck was no longer at my side. The bitch left me and was in the process of taking half of everything.

Its become a messy, drawn-out divorce. She likes to make herself known, that she's still around and having fun with other people. Whenever I gamble, the person(s) next to me tend to win big as I lose big. I used to think it was just a coincidence, but my friends have noticed it as well. My friend went to the high limit slots and dropped $5 while I stood next to him. In two tries he won big. Luck cheated on me right in my face.

It's seriously gotten to the point where I've stopped gambling. My friends will actually give me some money to gamble next to them. And I'm amazed that they actually win. I used to joke about it, but it happens everytime. It happened again this past weekend at an Indian Casino near Yosemite. Fuck you Luck.

I feel like some kind of X-Men that has the ability to inhale all the negative energy in a room and disperse it with a shrug. I think my mutant name would be Loser or Negative Man. What do you think?