Thursday, April 15, 2010

Jason and the Beaner-Stalker


Since we were children, we were taught by our elders that we should never get into a vehicle with a stranger. We were taught that they might try to invite us in with gifts such as an offer of candy, or they might suggest a good service and offer us a free ride home. I've gone a whopping 10,102 days without an incident. Sadly, that streak ended today. Day 10,103 of my life. A day that will go down in infamy.

I've been on a health kick as of late. Eating healthy, running, no drinking of toxic alcoholic beverages. I do this once and awhile. Never lasts long enough though. Jack Daniel knows my number and is always wanting to hang out.

I recently mapped up a run in my local area in Ontario. The distance is 3.24 miles. Why do I think I can do this? I ran this course the other day in the rain. I had some momentary stops but I was able to finish. Today was a hot day. I under estimated the power of the sun.

The course consists of over a mile run on my street, then I make a turn and run around a park and return. I figured I could get some water at the park, since I was feeling thirsty. I go to a water fountain and see the park's water system is contaminated and they do not advise drinking the water.

So I trekked on in the heat. I had gotten back to my street and headed back to where I live. I started to cramp up a bit so I took a breather and just walked for a bit. I began running again when I noticed a red truck wanting to make a left turn. Pedestrians getting in the way always annoyed me so I thought I'd get out of the way quickly. It didn't even take long for my cramp to return. That's when the red truck returned.

I heard something that sounded like my name. I turned to the left and saw the red truck with the guy sitting inside. Apparently he was speaking in spanish. I did not know this guy. I gave him a simple "I'm sorry what?" which will let the person know that spanish is an alien language to me. He then asked me if I needed a ride which I quickly replied no. That didn't stop him and he encouraged me to get in and he'd give me a ride. I said, "No thanks," and begun running again.

I saw the truck pass by again and park at the corner up ahead. I stopped running and just stared up ahead. He didn't get out of his truck. He's just parked there. My leg was still sore from the cramp. I rested it a bit and sprinted like an Olympic runner, boosting by him before he had a chance to say or do anything. I felt like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone. What the hell was going on?

I figured the whole thing was over with. That figuring went away when I saw the truck pass again and park even further up ahead. I began walking again. He was parked on the side of the street I was on. This time he got out of his truck and pretended to be tinkering with something.

I didn't need this. No one needs this. I figured this guy was trying to see where I lived. I wasn't going to let that happen. I changed my path and crossed the street and then went south. I found a house to hide on the side of and watched his actions. He saw me make a turn to the right. I figured he would make a left as I did and follow me. He didn't. It was finally over.

But it actually wasn't. He made a left up ahead and was waiting for me. I zigged and zagged my way back home. I think he realized what I was doing because no one runs around in circles. Eventually I lost him which is good since I don't carry a cell phone with me when I run. I really thought only women had to deal with this sort of thing. Apparently not in the I.E.



That would have been the description of what happened to me.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Back to the Traffic

Palm trees, beautiful weather, movie stars and beaches. That's how someone views Los Angeles who doesn't live here. Those of us who do live in Los Angeles...Gary Busey, high taxes, smog and traffic.

Traffic is ridiculous. The 10 Freeway is absurd. Last night I drove to Alhambra from Ontario for a family function. That in itself was a journey. Probably took me 45 minutes. While in Alhambra, I decided to visit a friend. I stayed until 10pm and decided to start my 35 mile journey home.

The underlying moral of this story is always pee when you get the chance. I should have peed at my friends house. His cat sleeps in the restroom though. His cat also attacks humans. Therefore, Jason doesn't want to get attacked in the restroom. So I decided to hold it and drove home. It usually only takes 30 minutes. No big deal.

I get on the on-ramp and its already bumper to bumper traffic. I'm used to this though. They've been working on the 10 FWY near Rosemead for awhile now. It's that not that bad...I'll just stick through it. After 30 minutes of that I'm on my way. My need to pee that this point is elevated so I drive a bit faster than usual. I wasn't worried because it was clear sailing from that point on. Or so I thought.

As I reached Pomona, traffic suddenly screeched to a sudden halt. I figured there was an accident or something. I was in the fast lane. It was near impossible to get to the off ramp. I decided to stick through it again.

Another 30 minutes went by and I hardly moved. My bladder situation had worsened since my brain let my bladder know, I was nowhere close to a restroom. I decided right then and there that I needed to get off the freeway. I took a look to the slower lanes to try and get in and then I saw it.

A DeLorean fixed up to look like the Time Machine from the Back to the Future movies. What the hell? I took a double take. The slower lanes were moving faster so I wasn't able to get my cell phone out to take a picture. Marty McFly was stuck in traffic with me?! I wondered if it was a condition of being stuck in traffic for so long while having to pee. Was this a mirage?

I hustled my way in to the slower lanes and skipped the exits, trying to find this vehicle. On my quest I noticed a sign on the freeway. Road Work Ahead. Really? Another traffic jam caused by road work? I never found that car..but I did find out that it was a stupid idea to not go pee.

As I progressed, the off-ramps were closed. Its never a good idea to close three lanes on a four lane freeway. After another half-hour of bladder holding madness, I finally got through it. I also wondered if other people had to pee as well, because once we got passed the blockade, everyone took off like it was lap 1 of the Indy 500.

My bladder was starting to hurt now and I had to squeeze my legs for good measure. Usually this sensation only happens with pre-drinking before a long drive to a party. Ahem...as a passenger of course.

The good news is that I didn't piss myself. I swear I saw the Back to the Future car on the freeway. I only wished I could have had a photo of it.

UPDATE: My cousin saw the Delorean too. On the 91 Freeway. Here is a picture: