The Anxiety, The Maria and The Haircut

For those of you that know me, you are well aware of my dislike of strangers. For those of you that don't know me, I get really weird around people I don't know. I get an abnormal amount of anxiety when a person I don't know too well gets too close and/or touches me. Some call it shyness, but I like to think its one notch higher, looming around mental case-ness.

With that said, getting a haircut is sometimes a painful task for me. Not to the point where I get an anxiety attack, but its more like an annoyed feeling of being forced to allow a stranger to touch me and be close, all while trying to achieve small talk.

Today I decided, upon much thought, that it was time for me to get a haircut. I've always gone to SuperCuts so to keep with the tradition, I went to a SuperCuts. There wasn't a long wait, and before I knew it Maria called my name.

As I approached her, I'm noticed that she's was giving me a funny look. I understand that eye contact is important, but she had an excited look, like I was someone famous, or someone she knew. As I got closer I said hello and turned to look at where I was going to sit and in the reflection I can see that she's still staring at me. Just something strange about it, but I thought its just me being weird again.

Maria began to cut my hair. Suddenly I felt like I was being questioned by the police. She's asking everything about me, which is normal I guess. She asked me if I was working this weekend and if I was going to the Fair. I wasn't even aware there was a fair going on. Maria wanted to know if I've ever been to one and I told her maybe when I was a kid. Now this is when things got confusing because of the way she said it. She then asked me if I wanted to go. Now I'm pretty sure she was being hypothetical, but after asking me if I worked this weekend, it felt like she was asking me if I wanted to go with her. But I wasn't sure. I just found it strange. I told her I was too busy and that ended that.

In between the fair conversation, 40-year-old Maria kept asking me if she was pulling on my hair too hard. I kept telling her that she was fine and she wasn't tugging. Yet, she asked three times. This is an excerpt of how the screenplay would read on her third time:

Maria: Am I pulling on your hair?
Jason: No, you're fine.

Maria continues to cut Jason's hair.

Maria: Do you want me to pull your hair? (pause) Just kidding!

Jason begins to laugh awkwardly because he doesn't know how to respond.

Oh Maria. I just wanted a haircut. If I wanted to flirt with a disgusting cougar I would have have gone to a dive bar and had seven shots of tequila. Thanks for feeding my anxiety.

Dude Stuff

First off, I will start off by saying that I enjoy the company of the opposite sex. Women are the gentler gender. They are sweet and loyal and understanding to the feelings of another...and it absolutely makes me sick.

I don't know when it happened or exactly how it happened, but I somehow have reached a point where I have more girl friends than guy friends. I want to say this blow has been dealt by the fact that the guy friends I do have are now in relationships, therefore are usually not allowed to go out and play, but I'm not sure. Such a sad scenario if that is the case.

I've been a recluse as of late, but that's because I want go out and do dude stuff. I want to get made fun of for being a pussy and return the favor. I want to get punched (where it actually hurts) and go out and just be as vulgar as the English language can handle and be absolutely ridiculous.

Instead I get stuck with girl talk, which is pretty close to water boarding I assume.
I feel like the guy in I Love You, Man. The other day I got a bloody nose and I felt like I probably received the menstrual cycle of one of my girl friends.

Once again, to all my dear friends of the female kind. This is not an insult. You are beautiful people. I just feel like Mowgli in the wolf pack and I need to get with my peoples, yo.

Spam...Its Whats For Dinner

What you are about to read is a conversation I had with an AIM spammer. I figured they waste everyone's time for a living and that I would return the favor. I honestly didn't think the spammer would let the conversation go for as long as it did. I think it might have had to do with mentioning a certain name randomly. I used that to my advantage.



gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:13:17 PM): wana cyber
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:16:53 PM): its good
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:18:52 PM): i got logitech webcam
Jason (5:19:18 PM): WHEN SPAMMERS ATTACK IV
Jason (5:19:24 PM): NEXT ON FOX
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:20:08 PM): no next on my computer
Jason (5:20:40 PM): if you were a hotdog and you were starving
Jason (5:20:43 PM): would you eat yourself?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:20:56 PM): youre hotdog
Jason (5:21:28 PM): that wasn't the question
Jason (5:21:49 PM): you're a hot dog right? and you're really hungry....do you start munching on yourself to stay alive?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:22:39 PM): yours
Jason (5:23:06 PM): so what website link are you going to send me and I won't click
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:23:26 PM): none u dojnt appriciate it
Jason (5:23:38 PM): you're right...I dojnt
Jason (5:24:51 PM): okay I want you answer me honestly
Jason (5:24:54 PM): how did you get my screen name
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:25:06 PM): secrit of spamers
Jason (5:25:26 PM): it was Steve wasn't it
Jason (5:25:32 PM): Steve is ALWAYS blurting out my screen name to people
Jason (5:25:35 PM): its ridiculous
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:26:09 PM): whose steve
Jason (5:26:34 PM): some guy
Jason (5:26:44 PM): hey so do you work in some telemarketing office or something?
Jason (5:26:46 PM): if so
Jason (5:26:51 PM): you should give me the screen name of someone else
Jason (5:26:54 PM): so I can spam the spammer
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:05 PM): thats ilegil
Jason (5:27:11 PM): but aren't you spamming?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:32 PM): no
Jason (5:27:43 PM): true, you haven't sent me a link to anything
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:49 PM): all i did was ofer u some fun
Jason (5:27:50 PM): but you know you were
Jason (5:28:07 PM): well let me offer one of your co-workers some fun
Jason (5:28:14 PM): and by fun I mean by confusing them and brightening their day
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:28:23 PM): u must not like webcams
Jason (5:28:42 PM): well I assume its a website
Jason (5:28:49 PM): where some girl gets naked
Jason (5:28:58 PM): and about 30 guys are watching at the same time, typing with one hand
Jason (5:29:01 PM): I don't see how thats fun
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:29:07 PM): u dont like naked girls?
Jason (5:29:17 PM): I like naked girls when I can touch them
Jason (5:29:32 PM): adn when I'm not paying money
Jason (5:29:33 PM): ha
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:29:49 PM): u dont pay for webcam
Jason (5:30:01 PM): what country are you from?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:30:23 PM): u want personal infermation but u wont watch webcam
Jason (5:31:00 PM): pretty much
Jason (5:31:06 PM): so are you spamming others while I'm bugging you?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:31:26 PM): its about imagination
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:31:30 PM): like ur touching them
Jason (5:32:10 PM): yeah I could see that, just not my thing
Jason (5:32:16 PM): I prefer the real deal
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:32:33 PM): dont u think webcam girls are hot
Jason (5:32:47 PM): yeah but its still just a computer screen
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:33:36 PM): u never musta had webcam
Jason (5:33:48 PM): nope
Jason (5:33:50 PM): don't care to
Jason (5:33:59 PM): so back to that hot dog question
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:37:03 PM): u want me to answer ur questin and u dont want to use webcam
Jason (5:37:15 PM): yeah pretty much
Jason (5:37:26 PM): wait...are you the one thats on the webcam?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:38:30 PM): me
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:38:34 PM): or one of my ladies
Jason (5:39:33 PM): by ladies you mean 18 year old european immigrants needing money?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:39:55 PM): no
Jason (5:40:43 PM): ah
Jason (5:40:46 PM): South American then
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:40:57 PM): u dont like latinas
Jason (5:41:12 PM): I do like them
Jason (5:41:18 PM): do you like Lady Gaga?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:43:21 PM): yes
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:43:29 PM): shes wonderful
Jason (5:44:35 PM): so this webcam thing
Jason (5:44:40 PM): is there a show at 8pm?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:45:08 PM): 24hrs
Jason (5:45:18 PM): so there is one at 8pm
Jason (5:45:28 PM): thats too bad cuz I won't be home at 8pm
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:46:05 PM): bad 4 u
Jason (5:46:54 PM): you're not going to answer my hot dog question are you
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:47:14 PM): u can register for webcam service
Jason (5:48:25 PM): I can also sing my abc's while doing jumping jacks
Jason (5:48:28 PM): doesn't mean I'm going to do it
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:48:36 PM): u will hav fun
Jason (5:48:47 PM): I dunno...jumping jacks are kind of boring
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:49:19 PM): u can watch when u get home
Jason (5:49:48 PM): I see neither of us are going to budge here
Jason (5:49:58 PM): I won't register and you won't answer my insightful question
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:51:40 PM): it serves as a useful aid
Jason (5:52:29 PM): thats what they said about offshore drilling
Jason (5:52:32 PM): and look whats happened
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:52:43 PM): only thing to spill will be u
Jason (5:52:52 PM): HAHAHAAHA nice one
Jason (5:52:53 PM): hahaha
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:53:15 PM): dont u like spilling
Jason (5:53:26 PM): I just wonder if Kevin Costner would want to clean it up
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:54:07 PM): dont you
Jason (5:54:20 PM): well I hate spilling coffee
Jason (5:54:26 PM): its the worst
Jason (5:54:26 PM): its hot
Jason (5:54:28 PM): it stains
Jason (5:54:39 PM): then you have to pour a new cup
Jason (5:54:43 PM): its ridiculous sometimes
Jason (5:54:44 PM): don't you think?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:55:04 PM): u can chose from brunetes blondes or redheads
Jason (5:56:46 PM): no baldies?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:56:56 PM): thats hpw u roll
Jason (5:57:15 PM): no, just curious
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:57:23 PM): can find one
Jason (5:58:59 PM): so is the webcam industry booming?
Jason (5:59:17 PM): you know with the recession and all
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:59:51 PM): people always like that stuff
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:59:53 PM): not u
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:01:17 PM): it s just a supplement to the real thing
Jason (6:02:57 PM): its like wanting to eat strawberries...and having strawberry flavored gum
Jason (6:03:09 PM): yeah it tastes like strawberry, but it doesn't satisfy the hunger
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:03:28 PM): well if strawberries are outta season, why not have gum
Jason (6:04:36 PM): well until there's a zombie outbreak, and women are scarce...I'll pass on the webcams
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:05:09 PM): sometmes there is
Jason (6:05:45 PM): wait....there's been a zombie outbreak?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:05:54 PM): of girls
Jason (6:06:09 PM): nothing worse than a zombie on its rag
Jason (6:06:14 PM): they want to eat EVERYTHING
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:06:21 PM): some guys like it
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:06:26 PM): i can find that if u want
Jason (6:06:28 PM): okay lock all your doors
Jason (6:06:30 PM): and windows
Jason (6:06:49 PM): get weapons that are at least 3 ft. long
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:07:04 PM): whose steve
Jason (6:07:25 PM): this buddy of mine who gets drunk all the time, he's not a problem
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:07:25 PM): everyone knows a steve dont u think
Jason (6:07:33 PM): you know what
Jason (6:07:38 PM): you're probably right
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:09:56 PM): guess u will never know howi got ur screnam
Jason (6:10:36 PM): nor will I ever know if you'd eat yourself if you were a hungry hot dog
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:11:00 PM): u said nor
Jason (6:11:22 PM): yes I did
Jason (6:11:29 PM): I'm happy you caught that?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:12:44 PM): thats proper
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:12:50 PM): why do u do that
Jason (6:13:27 PM): beecuz I lyke 2 bee yuzing gud englesh
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:14:53 PM): why was steve ur first choice
Jason (6:15:42 PM): because of how Steve is
Jason (6:15:53 PM): yoooou know how steve is
Jason (6:16:08 PM): anyway I gotta go board up windows and stuff because of the zombie thing
Jason (6:16:16 PM): you take care and have fun with your webcam thing

I Think I Hate You Mr. Gates

I've always been a PC guy. When I watch those "I'm a Mac" commercials with Justin Long, I tend to laugh because its retarded. Also, I think of the night me and my drunk friends saw Justin Long at a bar in LA and punked him for well over an hour.

Due to my laptop's screen burning out towards the end of '08, I decided to buy a desktop computer. At the time Vista was the new thing and I was forced to purchase a computer that came with Vista pre-installed.

The major problem with Vista is that it's not compatible with older games/programs that ran fine with Windows XP. Also, it's almost as if the Windows Vista software is self aware and knows itself to be unstable. Since I starting using it, it would constantly ask me if I wanted to create a back-up drive. I always thought...I'll wait. Well, much like those mail-in rebates from Best Buy I tend to never send in, I never created a back-up drive.

Judgment Day occurred on Friday, June 4th at approximately 11pm. My MP3 player, which I've now named Agent Smith, caused a glitch in my computer. Who knows why it happened. I've had that MP3 player for over five months with no issues.

This is actually pretty devastating to me, considering all the side projects I was currently working on. Creating music, writing lyrics/screenplays is something I did as a hobby. I had a lot of stuff. Incomplete stuff, but stuff none the less. Now all is LOST with no true explanation. Much like the TV show.

Unless Mr. Bill Gates knocks on my door with a free copy of Windows 7, I think I'm going to switch to Apple for my next computer.

Grocery Shopping Guilt Trip

Grocery shopping is something that everybody does, despite how much it sucks. There's no way to avoid it. Milk is always running out and/or going bad. Yeah, you could probably go to the corner liquor store and get some milk, but you also noticed that you're running low on bread. Then you move something that's turning gooey and black to the side and realize you're running low on water too. Suddenly a moment of despair overcomes you. For it is that moment when you realize you need to go grocery shopping.

So you drive out to your local grocery store. Park your car and proceed to walk to the entrance. As you grab the shopping cart that has apparently suffered a stroke, you notice that there's a person with a clipboard standing near the exit. This always reminds me of the Resident Evil 2 video game. I'll explain why.

In the game, all the dead people in the town have turned into zombies. While the game sends you around in circles, you notice a dead person just sitting on the ground. You stare at your character staring at it. Afraid to move anywhere near it. People that get devoured by zombies tend to turn into one. With this knowledge you shoot it five times, but realize that nothing is happening and you're running out of ammo. So you take your chances and zoom by it. As the game progresses you have to keep going by it. Its just laying there. You know it'll eventually become a zombie and you'll have to deal with it later.

That's how I feel about those who are waiting for you at the grocery store exit. You know they're going to be there when you get out. I don't even know why they're there. They seem like you don't exist as you walk into the store. Do they really think anyone is going to give them money after Albertson's just raped their wallet?

I always feel guilty when it's for a good cause and I just say no and walk on. Especially when it was a young girl who needed college money. (which was probably bullshit) She told me her sad story and how she just needed a small donation. I did a role reversal and told her my sad story. (which was mostly bullshit) I was proud of myself. Mostly because I talked to a stranger.

By the way...does anyone get lost in a grocery store? I'm my own ABC television series. I tend to never know where I'm going.

Keeping It Reel: Iron Man 2

A 32 oz. Coke...$4.50. A medium tub of popcorn...$5.50. Movie ticket...$11. Being able to show up to a midnight showing of Iron Man 2, dressed as Iron Man?....PRICELESS.

Yes, I did go to the midnight showing of Iron Man 2 last night/this morning, but no, I did not dress as Iron Man. Sadly, a few peers in my age group did. They waited in line, with Iron Man masks over their faces and blue glowing light protruding out of their chests.

I really enjoyed the first Iron Man movie. I thought Robert Downey, Jr. did a fantastic job, playing the rich, heavily flawed superhero. Needless to say, I was hyped up for the sequel.

I knew I was going to be bothered by this movie before it even began. I really dislike when actors are replaced in sequels. Sadly, Terrace Howard's character in the first Iron Man was replaced by Don Cheadle in Iron Man 2. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Don Cheadle. He is a terrific actor and actually does a fine job in this movie. I just get all OCD with continuity. It feels like its not the same character we were introduced to in the first movie, though we are forced to believe it is.

The movie, itself starts off a bit choppy and awkwardly paced. It feels a bit uncomfortable to watch as the movie starts off with a lacks\ of focus. That is soon forgotten once Sam Rockwell's character settles into the picture. He is the movie's scene stealer, which is quite an accomplishment when you're starring opposite Robert Downey, Jr.

I read somewhere that Mickey Rourke actually stayed in a Russian prison to prepare for his role in Iron Man 2. I think he's going to regret his decision to do that after watching the film. His character, Whiplash, is misused. This is mostly due to the fact that Iron Man 2 spends most of its time advertising its anticipated Avengers movie.

(For those of you that don't know Marvel is teaming up Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America and Thor for one blockbuster movie. All of whom, are discreetly mentioned through the film. You have to pay attention to small details to notice them, not to mention sticking around after the credits are done.)

As in most cases in comic book sequels, there's more action that its predecessor. The special effects are top notch as you would expect and the fighting scenes are filmed well. Getting to watch Scarlett Johansson kick ass in tight, black spandex is always good in my book.

There's going to be a few "WTF?" moments, but those mostly happen in the beginning and are easily forgivable and quickly forgotten. There are also some deep underlying themes that never really get to surface. Sacrificed for action I assume.

Is Iron Man 2 better than the first? No. Is Iron Man 2 worth the $11? Sure. Do I think the fan boys with the Iron Man masks and glowing chest pieces were happy when the movie finished? Definitely.

Jason and the Beaner-Stalker

Since we were children, we were taught by our elders that we should never get into a vehicle with a stranger. We were taught that they might try to invite us in with gifts such as an offer of candy, or they might suggest a good service and offer us a free ride home. I've gone a whopping 10,102 days without an incident. Sadly, that streak ended today. Day 10,103 of my life. A day that will go down in infamy.

I've been on a health kick as of late. Eating healthy, running, no drinking of toxic alcoholic beverages. I do this once and awhile. Never lasts long enough though. Jack Daniel knows my number and is always wanting to hang out.

I recently mapped up a run in my local area in Ontario. The distance is 3.24 miles. Why do I think I can do this? I ran this course the other day in the rain. I had some momentary stops but I was able to finish. Today was a hot day. I under estimated the power of the sun.

The course consists of over a mile run on my street, then I make a turn and run around a park and return. I figured I could get some water at the park, since I was feeling thirsty. I go to a water fountain and see the park's water system is contaminated and they do not advise drinking the water.

So I trekked on in the heat. I had gotten back to my street and headed back to where I live. I started to cramp up a bit so I took a breather and just walked for a bit. I began running again when I noticed a red truck wanting to make a left turn. Pedestrians getting in the way always annoyed me so I thought I'd get out of the way quickly. It didn't even take long for my cramp to return. That's when the red truck returned.

I heard something that sounded like my name. I turned to the left and saw the red truck with the guy sitting inside. Apparently he was speaking in spanish. I did not know this guy. I gave him a simple "I'm sorry what?" which will let the person know that spanish is an alien language to me. He then asked me if I needed a ride which I quickly replied no. That didn't stop him and he encouraged me to get in and he'd give me a ride. I said, "No thanks," and begun running again.

I saw the truck pass by again and park at the corner up ahead. I stopped running and just stared up ahead. He didn't get out of his truck. He's just parked there. My leg was still sore from the cramp. I rested it a bit and sprinted like an Olympic runner, boosting by him before he had a chance to say or do anything. I felt like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone. What the hell was going on?

I figured the whole thing was over with. That figuring went away when I saw the truck pass again and park even further up ahead. I began walking again. He was parked on the side of the street I was on. This time he got out of his truck and pretended to be tinkering with something.

I didn't need this. No one needs this. I figured this guy was trying to see where I lived. I wasn't going to let that happen. I changed my path and crossed the street and then went south. I found a house to hide on the side of and watched his actions. He saw me make a turn to the right. I figured he would make a left as I did and follow me. He didn't. It was finally over.

But it actually wasn't. He made a left up ahead and was waiting for me. I zigged and zagged my way back home. I think he realized what I was doing because no one runs around in circles. Eventually I lost him which is good since I don't carry a cell phone with me when I run. I really thought only women had to deal with this sort of thing. Apparently not in the I.E.

Face down in a ditch with a meth head fucking his corpse sound bite  The Hangover sound bites

That would have been the description of what happened to me.

Back to the Traffic

Palm trees, beautiful weather, movie stars and beaches. That's how someone views Los Angeles who doesn't live here. Those of us who do live in Los Angeles...Gary Busey, high taxes, smog and traffic.

Traffic is ridiculous. The 10 Freeway is absurd. Last night I drove to Alhambra from Ontario for a family function. That in itself was a journey. Probably took me 45 minutes. While in Alhambra, I decided to visit a friend. I stayed until 10pm and decided to start my 35 mile journey home.

The underlying moral of this story is always pee when you get the chance. I should have peed at my friends house. His cat sleeps in the restroom though. His cat also attacks humans. Therefore, Jason doesn't want to get attacked in the restroom. So I decided to hold it and drove home. It usually only takes 30 minutes. No big deal.

I get on the on-ramp and its already bumper to bumper traffic. I'm used to this though. They've been working on the 10 FWY near Rosemead for awhile now. It's that not that bad...I'll just stick through it. After 30 minutes of that I'm on my way. My need to pee that this point is elevated so I drive a bit faster than usual. I wasn't worried because it was clear sailing from that point on. Or so I thought.

As I reached Pomona, traffic suddenly screeched to a sudden halt. I figured there was an accident or something. I was in the fast lane. It was near impossible to get to the off ramp. I decided to stick through it again.

Another 30 minutes went by and I hardly moved. My bladder situation had worsened since my brain let my bladder know, I was nowhere close to a restroom. I decided right then and there that I needed to get off the freeway. I took a look to the slower lanes to try and get in and then I saw it.

A DeLorean fixed up to look like the Time Machine from the Back to the Future movies. What the hell? I took a double take. The slower lanes were moving faster so I wasn't able to get my cell phone out to take a picture. Marty McFly was stuck in traffic with me?! I wondered if it was a condition of being stuck in traffic for so long while having to pee. Was this a mirage?

I hustled my way in to the slower lanes and skipped the exits, trying to find this vehicle. On my quest I noticed a sign on the freeway. Road Work Ahead. Really? Another traffic jam caused by road work? I never found that car..but I did find out that it was a stupid idea to not go pee.

As I progressed, the off-ramps were closed. Its never a good idea to close three lanes on a four lane freeway. After another half-hour of bladder holding madness, I finally got through it. I also wondered if other people had to pee as well, because once we got passed the blockade, everyone took off like it was lap 1 of the Indy 500.

My bladder was starting to hurt now and I had to squeeze my legs for good measure. Usually this sensation only happens with pre-drinking before a long drive to a party. Ahem...as a passenger of course.

The good news is that I didn't piss myself. I swear I saw the Back to the Future car on the freeway. I only wished I could have had a photo of it.

UPDATE: My cousin saw the Delorean too. On the 91 Freeway. Here is a picture:

F*** Murphy and His Law

If you look up Murphy's Law you will find the phrase, "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Ha! Who the fuck is this Murphy guy and why is he such a downer? Was Murphy a mere pessimist? Or was he telling it like it is.

I think Murphys in general get screwed over. There's Eddie Murphy, who was once the most sought after actor/comedians in the 80s. He accidentally picked up a transvestite hooker and made a couple of God-awful movies, then somehow knocked up a Spice Girl. Murphy's Law?

Then there's Brittany Murphy. A beautiful actress who gained momentum in her career, then got addicted to pills and pulled a Heath Ledger. Murphy's Law?

Then there's the most famous Murphy. Alex Murphy. A renown Detroit police officer who did his job to take down criminals. He had a family and children. What happened to him? He gets tortured and murdered by Clarence Boddicker. If you don't know who Alex Murphy is, you might know him by his new name. RoboCop.

The past 30 days have reminded me about Murphy's Law. First the unemployment. Second came the ankle injury I suffered in a basketball game. Third came the fact that there was an error on the state's part in getting my unemployment check. Now...my car breaks down.

The starter went out, not a big deal. I've done this before. It takes me 10 minutes to take it off and put a new one on. Luckily I'm parked at a shopping center that has an Autozone. Turns out they didn't have the part I needed. Oh well, across the street there's a Kragen. Hey! The woman that works there says there's one in stock. Awesome! Thanks to Murphy, it turns out their inventory was incorrect. Fail!

Luckily my friend came over and helped me push start my car and now here I am remembering I actually have a blog.

What Does Jason Have in Common With Spider-Man?

Why would I ask such a question? Is it because since my last post I was bitten by a radioactive spider and was given super strength and the ability to climb walls? No. Have I decided to wear blue and red tights and run around the city trying to save lives? No. Thats not it. Not even close.

Spider-Man and I, or should I say, Peter Parker and I are now both unemployed. No, I wasn't fired like he just was but the business I worked for went out of...well, business.

As I packed up out of my apartment due to my inevitable lack of funds, Marvel Comics released The Amazing Spider-Man #623 where Peter Parker is fired from his job. Peter Parker now must struggle with making ends meet while rescuing those in need as Spider-Man.

A sign of the times I suppose.

Photoshop Mash Up: Oprah Winfrey/Live Free or Die Hard

The real poster can be seen here

Luck is My Estranged Wife

Luck, be a lady tonight. A great song by the late, great Frank Sinatra. It always crosses my mind when I'm in Vegas. I wouldn't call myself a gambler, but when I go to Vegas I become one. Shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. I mean its Vegas, thats what its for.

I remember my first two trips to Vegas. I met Luck those weekends. The first time I met her was on a measly penny slot machine. It was a Star Wars themed machine. I couldn't resist. Its difficult to win $50 on a penny machine but it happened. I told Luck I'd be back soon, and I'm a man of my word. The next time I visited Vegas, I ended up proposing to Luck on a blackjack table. I had one of the best hot streaks I've ever seen. I turned $20 into $300+. Luck was a lady and she was my lady.

Something changed on my third trip. I asked Luck to marry me. I figured this whole casino thing was mine for the taking and that I would only get better in winning money. I believe my cocky attitude and my appetite for being a lush created a problem in our relationship. Luck loved me, but hated who I had become.

Suddenly I wasn't winning much anymore. It quickly turned to me not winning at all. Trip after trip I came back to Los Angeles with money lost. I realized Luck was no longer at my side. The bitch left me and was in the process of taking half of everything.

Its become a messy, drawn-out divorce. She likes to make herself known, that she's still around and having fun with other people. Whenever I gamble, the person(s) next to me tend to win big as I lose big. I used to think it was just a coincidence, but my friends have noticed it as well. My friend went to the high limit slots and dropped $5 while I stood next to him. In two tries he won big. Luck cheated on me right in my face.

It's seriously gotten to the point where I've stopped gambling. My friends will actually give me some money to gamble next to them. And I'm amazed that they actually win. I used to joke about it, but it happens everytime. It happened again this past weekend at an Indian Casino near Yosemite. Fuck you Luck.

I feel like some kind of X-Men that has the ability to inhale all the negative energy in a room and disperse it with a shrug. I think my mutant name would be Loser or Negative Man. What do you think?

Infant Devil Baby Is On The Run

Back in October I had shared a story of my dear neighbors and their wonderful baby. The blog was titled My Neighbor Had Satan's Baby Since I have to walk by their apartment on the way to mine, I noticed a paper on their door. This was a few days ago. It was from the apartment management. It stated that they were to enter the apartment due to an INS inspection.

Thats right. Infant Devil Baby was in the US illegally. I guess being from Hell doesn't constitute as being a US Citizen. Maybe in Detroit, but not in Los Angeles County. So apparently "it" and "its" owners skipped town. The INS showed up today in their suits to kick ass, only there were no asses to kick. I guess no more random shrieks from the depths of hell at 2am. Thats a great thing...only its all for nothing.

I gave my 30 Day Notice today...*insert dramatic music*