Spam...Its Whats For Dinner

What you are about to read is a conversation I had with an AIM spammer. I figured they waste everyone's time for a living and that I would return the favor. I honestly didn't think the spammer would let the conversation go for as long as it did. I think it might have had to do with mentioning a certain name randomly. I used that to my advantage.



gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:13:17 PM): wana cyber
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:16:53 PM): its good
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:18:52 PM): i got logitech webcam
Jason (5:19:18 PM): WHEN SPAMMERS ATTACK IV
Jason (5:19:24 PM): NEXT ON FOX
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:20:08 PM): no next on my computer
Jason (5:20:40 PM): if you were a hotdog and you were starving
Jason (5:20:43 PM): would you eat yourself?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:20:56 PM): youre hotdog
Jason (5:21:28 PM): that wasn't the question
Jason (5:21:49 PM): you're a hot dog right? and you're really hungry....do you start munching on yourself to stay alive?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:22:39 PM): yours
Jason (5:23:06 PM): so what website link are you going to send me and I won't click
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:23:26 PM): none u dojnt appriciate it
Jason (5:23:38 PM): you're right...I dojnt
Jason (5:24:51 PM): okay I want you answer me honestly
Jason (5:24:54 PM): how did you get my screen name
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:25:06 PM): secrit of spamers
Jason (5:25:26 PM): it was Steve wasn't it
Jason (5:25:32 PM): Steve is ALWAYS blurting out my screen name to people
Jason (5:25:35 PM): its ridiculous
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:26:09 PM): whose steve
Jason (5:26:34 PM): some guy
Jason (5:26:44 PM): hey so do you work in some telemarketing office or something?
Jason (5:26:46 PM): if so
Jason (5:26:51 PM): you should give me the screen name of someone else
Jason (5:26:54 PM): so I can spam the spammer
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:05 PM): thats ilegil
Jason (5:27:11 PM): but aren't you spamming?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:32 PM): no
Jason (5:27:43 PM): true, you haven't sent me a link to anything
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:27:49 PM): all i did was ofer u some fun
Jason (5:27:50 PM): but you know you were
Jason (5:28:07 PM): well let me offer one of your co-workers some fun
Jason (5:28:14 PM): and by fun I mean by confusing them and brightening their day
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:28:23 PM): u must not like webcams
Jason (5:28:42 PM): well I assume its a website
Jason (5:28:49 PM): where some girl gets naked
Jason (5:28:58 PM): and about 30 guys are watching at the same time, typing with one hand
Jason (5:29:01 PM): I don't see how thats fun
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:29:07 PM): u dont like naked girls?
Jason (5:29:17 PM): I like naked girls when I can touch them
Jason (5:29:32 PM): adn when I'm not paying money
Jason (5:29:33 PM): ha
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:29:49 PM): u dont pay for webcam
Jason (5:30:01 PM): what country are you from?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:30:23 PM): u want personal infermation but u wont watch webcam
Jason (5:31:00 PM): pretty much
Jason (5:31:06 PM): so are you spamming others while I'm bugging you?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:31:26 PM): its about imagination
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:31:30 PM): like ur touching them
Jason (5:32:10 PM): yeah I could see that, just not my thing
Jason (5:32:16 PM): I prefer the real deal
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:32:33 PM): dont u think webcam girls are hot
Jason (5:32:47 PM): yeah but its still just a computer screen
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:33:36 PM): u never musta had webcam
Jason (5:33:48 PM): nope
Jason (5:33:50 PM): don't care to
Jason (5:33:59 PM): so back to that hot dog question
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:37:03 PM): u want me to answer ur questin and u dont want to use webcam
Jason (5:37:15 PM): yeah pretty much
Jason (5:37:26 PM): wait...are you the one thats on the webcam?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:38:30 PM): me
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:38:34 PM): or one of my ladies
Jason (5:39:33 PM): by ladies you mean 18 year old european immigrants needing money?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:39:55 PM): no
Jason (5:40:43 PM): ah
Jason (5:40:46 PM): South American then
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:40:57 PM): u dont like latinas
Jason (5:41:12 PM): I do like them
Jason (5:41:18 PM): do you like Lady Gaga?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:43:21 PM): yes
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:43:29 PM): shes wonderful
Jason (5:44:35 PM): so this webcam thing
Jason (5:44:40 PM): is there a show at 8pm?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:45:08 PM): 24hrs
Jason (5:45:18 PM): so there is one at 8pm
Jason (5:45:28 PM): thats too bad cuz I won't be home at 8pm
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:46:05 PM): bad 4 u
Jason (5:46:54 PM): you're not going to answer my hot dog question are you
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:47:14 PM): u can register for webcam service
Jason (5:48:25 PM): I can also sing my abc's while doing jumping jacks
Jason (5:48:28 PM): doesn't mean I'm going to do it
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:48:36 PM): u will hav fun
Jason (5:48:47 PM): I dunno...jumping jacks are kind of boring
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:49:19 PM): u can watch when u get home
Jason (5:49:48 PM): I see neither of us are going to budge here
Jason (5:49:58 PM): I won't register and you won't answer my insightful question
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:51:40 PM): it serves as a useful aid
Jason (5:52:29 PM): thats what they said about offshore drilling
Jason (5:52:32 PM): and look whats happened
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:52:43 PM): only thing to spill will be u
Jason (5:52:52 PM): HAHAHAAHA nice one
Jason (5:52:53 PM): hahaha
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:53:15 PM): dont u like spilling
Jason (5:53:26 PM): I just wonder if Kevin Costner would want to clean it up
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:54:07 PM): dont you
Jason (5:54:20 PM): well I hate spilling coffee
Jason (5:54:26 PM): its the worst
Jason (5:54:26 PM): its hot
Jason (5:54:28 PM): it stains
Jason (5:54:39 PM): then you have to pour a new cup
Jason (5:54:43 PM): its ridiculous sometimes
Jason (5:54:44 PM): don't you think?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:55:04 PM): u can chose from brunetes blondes or redheads
Jason (5:56:46 PM): no baldies?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:56:56 PM): thats hpw u roll
Jason (5:57:15 PM): no, just curious
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:57:23 PM): can find one
Jason (5:58:59 PM): so is the webcam industry booming?
Jason (5:59:17 PM): you know with the recession and all
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:59:51 PM): people always like that stuff
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (5:59:53 PM): not u
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:01:17 PM): it s just a supplement to the real thing
Jason (6:02:57 PM): its like wanting to eat strawberries...and having strawberry flavored gum
Jason (6:03:09 PM): yeah it tastes like strawberry, but it doesn't satisfy the hunger
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:03:28 PM): well if strawberries are outta season, why not have gum
Jason (6:04:36 PM): well until there's a zombie outbreak, and women are scarce...I'll pass on the webcams
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:05:09 PM): sometmes there is
Jason (6:05:45 PM): wait....there's been a zombie outbreak?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:05:54 PM): of girls
Jason (6:06:09 PM): nothing worse than a zombie on its rag
Jason (6:06:14 PM): they want to eat EVERYTHING
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:06:21 PM): some guys like it
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:06:26 PM): i can find that if u want
Jason (6:06:28 PM): okay lock all your doors
Jason (6:06:30 PM): and windows
Jason (6:06:49 PM): get weapons that are at least 3 ft. long
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:07:04 PM): whose steve
Jason (6:07:25 PM): this buddy of mine who gets drunk all the time, he's not a problem
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:07:25 PM): everyone knows a steve dont u think
Jason (6:07:33 PM): you know what
Jason (6:07:38 PM): you're probably right
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:09:56 PM): guess u will never know howi got ur screnam
Jason (6:10:36 PM): nor will I ever know if you'd eat yourself if you were a hungry hot dog
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:11:00 PM): u said nor
Jason (6:11:22 PM): yes I did
Jason (6:11:29 PM): I'm happy you caught that?
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:12:44 PM): thats proper
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:12:50 PM): why do u do that
Jason (6:13:27 PM): beecuz I lyke 2 bee yuzing gud englesh
gaga00hlalaa@yahoo.com (6:14:53 PM): why was steve ur first choice
Jason (6:15:42 PM): because of how Steve is
Jason (6:15:53 PM): yoooou know how steve is
Jason (6:16:08 PM): anyway I gotta go board up windows and stuff because of the zombie thing
Jason (6:16:16 PM): you take care and have fun with your webcam thing

I Think I Hate You Mr. Gates

I've always been a PC guy. When I watch those "I'm a Mac" commercials with Justin Long, I tend to laugh because its retarded. Also, I think of the night me and my drunk friends saw Justin Long at a bar in LA and punked him for well over an hour.

Due to my laptop's screen burning out towards the end of '08, I decided to buy a desktop computer. At the time Vista was the new thing and I was forced to purchase a computer that came with Vista pre-installed.

The major problem with Vista is that it's not compatible with older games/programs that ran fine with Windows XP. Also, it's almost as if the Windows Vista software is self aware and knows itself to be unstable. Since I starting using it, it would constantly ask me if I wanted to create a back-up drive. I always thought...I'll wait. Well, much like those mail-in rebates from Best Buy I tend to never send in, I never created a back-up drive.

Judgment Day occurred on Friday, June 4th at approximately 11pm. My MP3 player, which I've now named Agent Smith, caused a glitch in my computer. Who knows why it happened. I've had that MP3 player for over five months with no issues.

This is actually pretty devastating to me, considering all the side projects I was currently working on. Creating music, writing lyrics/screenplays is something I did as a hobby. I had a lot of stuff. Incomplete stuff, but stuff none the less. Now all is LOST with no true explanation. Much like the TV show.

Unless Mr. Bill Gates knocks on my door with a free copy of Windows 7, I think I'm going to switch to Apple for my next computer.

Grocery Shopping Guilt Trip

Grocery shopping is something that everybody does, despite how much it sucks. There's no way to avoid it. Milk is always running out and/or going bad. Yeah, you could probably go to the corner liquor store and get some milk, but you also noticed that you're running low on bread. Then you move something that's turning gooey and black to the side and realize you're running low on water too. Suddenly a moment of despair overcomes you. For it is that moment when you realize you need to go grocery shopping.

So you drive out to your local grocery store. Park your car and proceed to walk to the entrance. As you grab the shopping cart that has apparently suffered a stroke, you notice that there's a person with a clipboard standing near the exit. This always reminds me of the Resident Evil 2 video game. I'll explain why.

In the game, all the dead people in the town have turned into zombies. While the game sends you around in circles, you notice a dead person just sitting on the ground. You stare at your character staring at it. Afraid to move anywhere near it. People that get devoured by zombies tend to turn into one. With this knowledge you shoot it five times, but realize that nothing is happening and you're running out of ammo. So you take your chances and zoom by it. As the game progresses you have to keep going by it. Its just laying there. You know it'll eventually become a zombie and you'll have to deal with it later.

That's how I feel about those who are waiting for you at the grocery store exit. You know they're going to be there when you get out. I don't even know why they're there. They seem like you don't exist as you walk into the store. Do they really think anyone is going to give them money after Albertson's just raped their wallet?

I always feel guilty when it's for a good cause and I just say no and walk on. Especially when it was a young girl who needed college money. (which was probably bullshit) She told me her sad story and how she just needed a small donation. I did a role reversal and told her my sad story. (which was mostly bullshit) I was proud of myself. Mostly because I talked to a stranger.

By the way...does anyone get lost in a grocery store? I'm my own ABC television series. I tend to never know where I'm going.

Keeping It Reel: Iron Man 2

A 32 oz. Coke...$4.50. A medium tub of popcorn...$5.50. Movie ticket...$11. Being able to show up to a midnight showing of Iron Man 2, dressed as Iron Man?....PRICELESS.

Yes, I did go to the midnight showing of Iron Man 2 last night/this morning, but no, I did not dress as Iron Man. Sadly, a few peers in my age group did. They waited in line, with Iron Man masks over their faces and blue glowing light protruding out of their chests.

I really enjoyed the first Iron Man movie. I thought Robert Downey, Jr. did a fantastic job, playing the rich, heavily flawed superhero. Needless to say, I was hyped up for the sequel.

I knew I was going to be bothered by this movie before it even began. I really dislike when actors are replaced in sequels. Sadly, Terrace Howard's character in the first Iron Man was replaced by Don Cheadle in Iron Man 2. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Don Cheadle. He is a terrific actor and actually does a fine job in this movie. I just get all OCD with continuity. It feels like its not the same character we were introduced to in the first movie, though we are forced to believe it is.

The movie, itself starts off a bit choppy and awkwardly paced. It feels a bit uncomfortable to watch as the movie starts off with a lacks\ of focus. That is soon forgotten once Sam Rockwell's character settles into the picture. He is the movie's scene stealer, which is quite an accomplishment when you're starring opposite Robert Downey, Jr.

I read somewhere that Mickey Rourke actually stayed in a Russian prison to prepare for his role in Iron Man 2. I think he's going to regret his decision to do that after watching the film. His character, Whiplash, is misused. This is mostly due to the fact that Iron Man 2 spends most of its time advertising its anticipated Avengers movie.

(For those of you that don't know Marvel is teaming up Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America and Thor for one blockbuster movie. All of whom, are discreetly mentioned through the film. You have to pay attention to small details to notice them, not to mention sticking around after the credits are done.)

As in most cases in comic book sequels, there's more action that its predecessor. The special effects are top notch as you would expect and the fighting scenes are filmed well. Getting to watch Scarlett Johansson kick ass in tight, black spandex is always good in my book.

There's going to be a few "WTF?" moments, but those mostly happen in the beginning and are easily forgivable and quickly forgotten. There are also some deep underlying themes that never really get to surface. Sacrificed for action I assume.

Is Iron Man 2 better than the first? No. Is Iron Man 2 worth the $11? Sure. Do I think the fan boys with the Iron Man masks and glowing chest pieces were happy when the movie finished? Definitely.

Jason and the Beaner-Stalker

Since we were children, we were taught by our elders that we should never get into a vehicle with a stranger. We were taught that they might try to invite us in with gifts such as an offer of candy, or they might suggest a good service and offer us a free ride home. I've gone a whopping 10,102 days without an incident. Sadly, that streak ended today. Day 10,103 of my life. A day that will go down in infamy.

I've been on a health kick as of late. Eating healthy, running, no drinking of toxic alcoholic beverages. I do this once and awhile. Never lasts long enough though. Jack Daniel knows my number and is always wanting to hang out.

I recently mapped up a run in my local area in Ontario. The distance is 3.24 miles. Why do I think I can do this? I ran this course the other day in the rain. I had some momentary stops but I was able to finish. Today was a hot day. I under estimated the power of the sun.

The course consists of over a mile run on my street, then I make a turn and run around a park and return. I figured I could get some water at the park, since I was feeling thirsty. I go to a water fountain and see the park's water system is contaminated and they do not advise drinking the water.

So I trekked on in the heat. I had gotten back to my street and headed back to where I live. I started to cramp up a bit so I took a breather and just walked for a bit. I began running again when I noticed a red truck wanting to make a left turn. Pedestrians getting in the way always annoyed me so I thought I'd get out of the way quickly. It didn't even take long for my cramp to return. That's when the red truck returned.

I heard something that sounded like my name. I turned to the left and saw the red truck with the guy sitting inside. Apparently he was speaking in spanish. I did not know this guy. I gave him a simple "I'm sorry what?" which will let the person know that spanish is an alien language to me. He then asked me if I needed a ride which I quickly replied no. That didn't stop him and he encouraged me to get in and he'd give me a ride. I said, "No thanks," and begun running again.

I saw the truck pass by again and park at the corner up ahead. I stopped running and just stared up ahead. He didn't get out of his truck. He's just parked there. My leg was still sore from the cramp. I rested it a bit and sprinted like an Olympic runner, boosting by him before he had a chance to say or do anything. I felt like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone. What the hell was going on?

I figured the whole thing was over with. That figuring went away when I saw the truck pass again and park even further up ahead. I began walking again. He was parked on the side of the street I was on. This time he got out of his truck and pretended to be tinkering with something.

I didn't need this. No one needs this. I figured this guy was trying to see where I lived. I wasn't going to let that happen. I changed my path and crossed the street and then went south. I found a house to hide on the side of and watched his actions. He saw me make a turn to the right. I figured he would make a left as I did and follow me. He didn't. It was finally over.

But it actually wasn't. He made a left up ahead and was waiting for me. I zigged and zagged my way back home. I think he realized what I was doing because no one runs around in circles. Eventually I lost him which is good since I don't carry a cell phone with me when I run. I really thought only women had to deal with this sort of thing. Apparently not in the I.E.

Face down in a ditch with a meth head fucking his corpse sound bite  The Hangover sound bites

That would have been the description of what happened to me.

Back to the Traffic

Palm trees, beautiful weather, movie stars and beaches. That's how someone views Los Angeles who doesn't live here. Those of us who do live in Los Angeles...Gary Busey, high taxes, smog and traffic.

Traffic is ridiculous. The 10 Freeway is absurd. Last night I drove to Alhambra from Ontario for a family function. That in itself was a journey. Probably took me 45 minutes. While in Alhambra, I decided to visit a friend. I stayed until 10pm and decided to start my 35 mile journey home.

The underlying moral of this story is always pee when you get the chance. I should have peed at my friends house. His cat sleeps in the restroom though. His cat also attacks humans. Therefore, Jason doesn't want to get attacked in the restroom. So I decided to hold it and drove home. It usually only takes 30 minutes. No big deal.

I get on the on-ramp and its already bumper to bumper traffic. I'm used to this though. They've been working on the 10 FWY near Rosemead for awhile now. It's that not that bad...I'll just stick through it. After 30 minutes of that I'm on my way. My need to pee that this point is elevated so I drive a bit faster than usual. I wasn't worried because it was clear sailing from that point on. Or so I thought.

As I reached Pomona, traffic suddenly screeched to a sudden halt. I figured there was an accident or something. I was in the fast lane. It was near impossible to get to the off ramp. I decided to stick through it again.

Another 30 minutes went by and I hardly moved. My bladder situation had worsened since my brain let my bladder know, I was nowhere close to a restroom. I decided right then and there that I needed to get off the freeway. I took a look to the slower lanes to try and get in and then I saw it.

A DeLorean fixed up to look like the Time Machine from the Back to the Future movies. What the hell? I took a double take. The slower lanes were moving faster so I wasn't able to get my cell phone out to take a picture. Marty McFly was stuck in traffic with me?! I wondered if it was a condition of being stuck in traffic for so long while having to pee. Was this a mirage?

I hustled my way in to the slower lanes and skipped the exits, trying to find this vehicle. On my quest I noticed a sign on the freeway. Road Work Ahead. Really? Another traffic jam caused by road work? I never found that car..but I did find out that it was a stupid idea to not go pee.

As I progressed, the off-ramps were closed. Its never a good idea to close three lanes on a four lane freeway. After another half-hour of bladder holding madness, I finally got through it. I also wondered if other people had to pee as well, because once we got passed the blockade, everyone took off like it was lap 1 of the Indy 500.

My bladder was starting to hurt now and I had to squeeze my legs for good measure. Usually this sensation only happens with pre-drinking before a long drive to a party. Ahem...as a passenger of course.

The good news is that I didn't piss myself. I swear I saw the Back to the Future car on the freeway. I only wished I could have had a photo of it.

UPDATE: My cousin saw the Delorean too. On the 91 Freeway. Here is a picture:

F*** Murphy and His Law

If you look up Murphy's Law you will find the phrase, "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Ha! Who the fuck is this Murphy guy and why is he such a downer? Was Murphy a mere pessimist? Or was he telling it like it is.

I think Murphys in general get screwed over. There's Eddie Murphy, who was once the most sought after actor/comedians in the 80s. He accidentally picked up a transvestite hooker and made a couple of God-awful movies, then somehow knocked up a Spice Girl. Murphy's Law?

Then there's Brittany Murphy. A beautiful actress who gained momentum in her career, then got addicted to pills and pulled a Heath Ledger. Murphy's Law?

Then there's the most famous Murphy. Alex Murphy. A renown Detroit police officer who did his job to take down criminals. He had a family and children. What happened to him? He gets tortured and murdered by Clarence Boddicker. If you don't know who Alex Murphy is, you might know him by his new name. RoboCop.

The past 30 days have reminded me about Murphy's Law. First the unemployment. Second came the ankle injury I suffered in a basketball game. Third came the fact that there was an error on the state's part in getting my unemployment check. Now...my car breaks down.

The starter went out, not a big deal. I've done this before. It takes me 10 minutes to take it off and put a new one on. Luckily I'm parked at a shopping center that has an Autozone. Turns out they didn't have the part I needed. Oh well, across the street there's a Kragen. Hey! The woman that works there says there's one in stock. Awesome! Thanks to Murphy, it turns out their inventory was incorrect. Fail!

Luckily my friend came over and helped me push start my car and now here I am remembering I actually have a blog.

What Does Jason Have in Common With Spider-Man?

Why would I ask such a question? Is it because since my last post I was bitten by a radioactive spider and was given super strength and the ability to climb walls? No. Have I decided to wear blue and red tights and run around the city trying to save lives? No. Thats not it. Not even close.

Spider-Man and I, or should I say, Peter Parker and I are now both unemployed. No, I wasn't fired like he just was but the business I worked for went out of...well, business.

As I packed up out of my apartment due to my inevitable lack of funds, Marvel Comics released The Amazing Spider-Man #623 where Peter Parker is fired from his job. Peter Parker now must struggle with making ends meet while rescuing those in need as Spider-Man.

A sign of the times I suppose.

Photoshop Mash Up: Oprah Winfrey/Live Free or Die Hard

The real poster can be seen here

Luck is My Estranged Wife

Luck, be a lady tonight. A great song by the late, great Frank Sinatra. It always crosses my mind when I'm in Vegas. I wouldn't call myself a gambler, but when I go to Vegas I become one. Shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. I mean its Vegas, thats what its for.

I remember my first two trips to Vegas. I met Luck those weekends. The first time I met her was on a measly penny slot machine. It was a Star Wars themed machine. I couldn't resist. Its difficult to win $50 on a penny machine but it happened. I told Luck I'd be back soon, and I'm a man of my word. The next time I visited Vegas, I ended up proposing to Luck on a blackjack table. I had one of the best hot streaks I've ever seen. I turned $20 into $300+. Luck was a lady and she was my lady.

Something changed on my third trip. I asked Luck to marry me. I figured this whole casino thing was mine for the taking and that I would only get better in winning money. I believe my cocky attitude and my appetite for being a lush created a problem in our relationship. Luck loved me, but hated who I had become.

Suddenly I wasn't winning much anymore. It quickly turned to me not winning at all. Trip after trip I came back to Los Angeles with money lost. I realized Luck was no longer at my side. The bitch left me and was in the process of taking half of everything.

Its become a messy, drawn-out divorce. She likes to make herself known, that she's still around and having fun with other people. Whenever I gamble, the person(s) next to me tend to win big as I lose big. I used to think it was just a coincidence, but my friends have noticed it as well. My friend went to the high limit slots and dropped $5 while I stood next to him. In two tries he won big. Luck cheated on me right in my face.

It's seriously gotten to the point where I've stopped gambling. My friends will actually give me some money to gamble next to them. And I'm amazed that they actually win. I used to joke about it, but it happens everytime. It happened again this past weekend at an Indian Casino near Yosemite. Fuck you Luck.

I feel like some kind of X-Men that has the ability to inhale all the negative energy in a room and disperse it with a shrug. I think my mutant name would be Loser or Negative Man. What do you think?

Infant Devil Baby Is On The Run

Back in October I had shared a story of my dear neighbors and their wonderful baby. The blog was titled My Neighbor Had Satan's Baby Since I have to walk by their apartment on the way to mine, I noticed a paper on their door. This was a few days ago. It was from the apartment management. It stated that they were to enter the apartment due to an INS inspection.

Thats right. Infant Devil Baby was in the US illegally. I guess being from Hell doesn't constitute as being a US Citizen. Maybe in Detroit, but not in Los Angeles County. So apparently "it" and "its" owners skipped town. The INS showed up today in their suits to kick ass, only there were no asses to kick. I guess no more random shrieks from the depths of hell at 2am. Thats a great thing...only its all for nothing.

I gave my 30 Day Notice today...*insert dramatic music*

Keeping It Reel: Avatar IMAX 3D

Foreword: Paying $16 to see a movie is something I never thought I'd have to do in my lifetime. I still remember paying $3.75 (matinee price) to see Batman in 1989. But this is IMAX and it is 3D so I figured why not. I have yet to see a movie in 3D since Captian EO at Disneyland as a kid. Back when they used Red and Blue lenses that made everything look like an acid trip. Skip to 2009 and the hand over some yellow plastic glasses with gray lenses that look like something Kanye West would wear. One bit of advice is to never get to an IMAX showing 20 minutes before it starts. Luckily, I was able to sneak in line when the ushers told everyone to get their tickets to present at the door. While the people were looked toward their pockets, I snuck in line. No one noticed. I was able to get great seats for me and my friends.

The Shrek 4 (is there really a need for more Shrek's?) 3D preview came on and I became confused. This isn't the 3D I remembered. This was far better and absolutely amazing. My eyes and brain were fighting each other trying to figure out what was going on. The depth perception had me in awe. I felt a buzz in my head from being excited. Yes, 3D is awesome. (Gotta leave the glasses on though or the screen looks like you had 2 too many martinis)

Movie Review: I came into this movie expecting a cliche story that has been previously explored in movies such as Dances With Wolves and The Last Samarai. Thats pretty much what this story is. James Cameron does a good job of making likable and hateable characters. The plot and story is very predictable but thats okay. Cameron isn't trying to wow us with a surprise climatic ending like he did with 'Titanic'. (Whoever would have thought that massive ship would sink?)

The acting is fair, considering we're watching motion captured CGI aliens most of the time. Sam Worthington is becoming an insanely huge star in the US already. He does a good job here. Zoe Saldana does an excelent job as one of the planet's natives. She's somewhat hot even has a giant smurf. The villain of the movie is a bit over the top, but he made me laugh on several occasions so I guess maybe thats what they were going for. I don't know.

The look of the movie is stunning. The special effects surpassed my hard-to-be-impressed expectations. The alien planet comes to life with imaginative creatures and creates a believable ambience. Especially with the 3D. I would suggest to watch this movie in IMAX 3D only. The visual benefit will be well worth the price of admission. As a 2D movie, 'Avatar' is a slightly above average adventure movie. As a 3D movie, its an experience you will remember for quite awhile.

I was very pessimistic about this film and to those that saw it and to those who told me it was great in 3D. I apologize. I was wrong. 'Avatar' is $500 million well spent for 20th Century Fox and $16 well spent for me.

Jason vs. The Angeles National Forest: Part III

I felt lucky. I had just escaped would could have been my rocky grave...or the rocky ground in which I paralyzed myself. Either way, there was a rocky area I didn't want to be in, and I almost fell into it.

After reaching the other side of the cliff, me and Victor took a moment to reflect on what just happened. I was so tired now. Not only physically, but mentally as well. This was like an episode of Man vs. Wild. An episode where Bear Grylls gets amnesia. Me and Victor didn't really know what to do.

After my great idea of crossing the steep mountain, I had another brilliant idea. On this side of the mountain, the way down wasn't steep at all. It did have soft dirt though. Climbing down is a lot harder than climbing up, so my great idea number two, was to slide down the hill.

I went first. I started to pick up speed as I slid down. A lot of dirt and dust went into the air. I couldn't slow down very easily. Yes, I was making great time getting to the bottom, but I was losing control. It was also become steeper. I cut my arm on something that left a scar on my arm for a good 6 years. I knew I had to stop or I would probably injure myself more. I saw a small tree and was able to hang onto a branch, since the tree was angled the same way as the side of the mountain.

It didn't take long for the debris to settle. I told Victor to slide down toward the tree. Now I don't know what happened next exactly. I believe that maybe I cleared all the soft dirt and debris that slowed me down. Whatever the reason, Victor came down like a bat out of hell. He was literally bouncing and coming toward me almost twice as fast.

He smacked into me pretty hard. It winded both of us, but we had to move on. We reached the bottom area and came up upon another cliff. A very small one. Maybe 10 feet. Victor jumped down with no problems. He was given the nickname Spider-Man for a reason. I was nervous about jumping down. My legs at this point felt like Jell-O. I took a leap of faith and landed on my feet, my legs gave way. Suddenly pain covered my body. I landed my tailbone onto a rock. Its a sensation I never want to feel again.

I was so out of it at that point. Tired and dehydrated. It hurt to walk and my arm was bleeding. I actually drank from some dirty pond, just because I felt like I couldn't go on without water. We kept walking on. We were battered and bruised, like Rihanna after a date with Chris Brown. The sun was getting lower. We now started to recognize the area we were in. Success.

We walked toward where our friend parked his car, hoping he was still there. And there he was, drinking a Super Big Gulp and laughing his ass off. Me and Victor were covered in dirt, from head to toe. We were lost in that forest for nearly four hours. Four hours that I will never forget.

Jason vs. The Angeles National Forest: Part II

My legs were giving up and now Victor was eating the dirt I was leaving behind. Since time was an issue I said we should start going sideways, which he agreed on. So we climb sideways and saw a flat area that looked like a dried up river bed. Finally, we had a solid, flat ground to walk on.

Thinking that this was going lead us to safety we walked along it. The river bend became more of a trench after awhile. Almost like in a movie, we noticed the trench ended up towards the horizon. We both knew what this meant but kept going forward anyway. When we got towards the end, it was plain and clear.

If water was present, me and Victor would have been standing at the edge of a waterfall. The drop was close to vertical. I would guess about 40 to 50 ft. Nothing but rocks and dead brush below. Just around the riverbend my ass. Fuck you Pocahontas.

The sun was being a bitch as well. We were stuck. From this vantage point we could literally see where we had to go. Me and Victor were like Lewis & Clark.

We now had the map of this place in our head, but we just didn't know how to get to the other side of this mountain. If we went back up the river, we'd lose time going the wrong way. I took the stupid initiative and climbed up the side of the trench.

I'm pretty sure I confused Victor when I started to climb the side the near verticle cliff. There was dry brush to hang on to. I was tired, hungry and knew it was going to get dark soon. We had to do something. Victor followed me, still questioning my actions. I should have questioned myself, but I knew if we got on the other side of this cliff, we would be well on our way out of this place. Victor knew that too and followed me.

So me and Victor were straddling this cliff, carefully planting out feet and holding on to dead brush. I honestly said a prayer. Its funny how one thinks in dangerous situations. I felt the need to tell a joke to Victor. I told him that this was like Indiana Jones. In the movie, he holds on to a vine to save himself from falling, and smiles thinking he's escaped death. Suddenly the vine snaps a bit and he goes down. The smile goes away. I began to reinact that scene as a joke.

I think God didn't appreciate my humor. As I said that, just like in the movie, the bush I was holding on to ripped out from its roots. Oh, the irony. I started to slide down. Victor reached out to try and grab me, but luckily I had caught onto another bush on the way down. I could hear the rocks crashing below me. What a moment.

We kept going and finally reached the other side of that cliff. It was less steep on this side. Knowing that I could have fallen to my death, I became desperate to get out of there. (TO BE CONCLUDED)

Jason vs. The Angeles National Forest: Part I

1999. It was a moderate day. Not too warm, not too cold. The kind of day that people in the East Coast cringe for in jealousy. Back when summer's meant nothing to do, most of the day was spent looking for something to do.

My partner in crime at that time was some what of a mentor to me. That probably wasn't a good thing in hindsight. If you know who I'm talking about, then you know why. Not that he's a horrible person. He's just crazy, but in a good way...I think. He and I had a mutual friend who told us about this forest are in Altadena that was pretty cool. Mind you, I was on the brink of turning 17, so this sounded like fun.

We get there and explore like young people do. After some walking and hiking we hit a rocky dead end. Sound minds would have returned, but our quest of finding something extraordinary conflicted common sense. We tried climbing this steep rock. None of us could get a good grip.

Beaten but not quite defeated, me and my partner in crime (we'll call him Victor...because thats his name) decided we were going to climb around from the other side, which required us to hike up the side of a steep mountain. The ground wasn't very solid as we got higher and a small rock avalanche happened underneath us. Thats how this all started. We couldn't get back down to our other friend without jumping down about 12 feet.

Victor tried to climb down a tree that was nearby, but the branch broke while he was on it and we thought he was going to fall. I'll never forget his face. Fear and excitement, like a newborn that just crapped itself. During that time Victor said he saw a trail up higher that was pretty close so he came up with the idea that we should start climbing up the steep side of the mountain. Best way to get down is to go up. Makes perfect sense.

So I followed him as the mountain got steeper and steeper. I was getting a bunch of dirt in my face and mouth. Suddenly we weren't really hiking as much as we were climbing. Victor kept assuring me that the trail was just up ahead. The minutes kept ticking by. We kept going higher and higher. We looked out towards the sun and realized that time was going to be an issue. We had no flashlights.

Our friend that was waiting for us below can't even see us anymore. We can barely hear him. We both took a break. It was becoming tiring. I then, took the lead, because the dirt in my mouth and face was becoming unbearable. I couldn't see that trail anymore. Whatever Victor thought was close, was distorted by perspective. We were close to nothing. (TO BE CONTINUED)

The Monopoly Guy Made Me Do This

I'm not to sure what to blog about anymore. No one clicks my ads anymore and I am no longer making blog money, but thats okay. I'm going to trek forward. People that know me will say, "Why am I not surprised he did this to make money." And I'd say back to them "Aw, you know me so well."

Its not completely my fault. Being an only child left me only with my mother to do anything with. That alone might have caused a complete meltdown of normal brain activity, but I'll leave that discussion for another day perhaps. My mother tried her best to keep me occupied, but when watching The Muppets Take Manhattan and The Three Amigos didn't cut it anymore, out came the Monopoly game board.

Monopoly. A real estate oriented game thats main goal is to make money. There was nothing more grand than to have those puke-orange $500 bills stack up. Landing and being able to purchase the Park Place and Boardwalk properties was by far the best moment that could happen in the game. Or worse depending on who's doing the purchasing. Throw in a few Houses and Hotels and those spots become a money hungry valley that meant bankruptcy to the other player(s). Maybe thats what happened to GM and AIG. They landed on a Hotel infested Boardwalk.

I used to annoy my mom when we played. I had recorded the song "Under the Boardwalk" by The Drifters from the radio, onto a tape cassette. The days before mp3s and downloading were tedious weren't they? Well if I ever did get the chance to buy Boardwalk, I'd run to the tape deck and press play. I would have it set up already and my mom knew. She thought it was funny the first time I did it. Not so much after that. I admit it was a bit much to do that, but I was only like 9 years old or something.

I miss playing the game. I heard they have a newer version that includes "VISA" credit cards. That sounds like fun.

The Countdown Begins

Its been a tame 2 years.

A Mall Carol

The Mall. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It's not a fun place to be. I hate it. Especially during the "Holiday Season." I never understood why the Holiday Season starts on Nov. 1st. That new Jim Carrey movie, A Christmas Carol, came out two weekends ago. Can we at least get through Thanksgiving before we're reminded that we have no money to spend on gifts this year?

I don't tend to go to the mall unless I deem it necessary. Necessary is when my clothes start to fall apart. Usually I let my jeans get to the point where it looks like I just fought a pack of rabid raccoons. I figured this time I wouldn't let it get to that point.

Holiday parking at a mall is a serious pain in the ass. True there will always be a few available parking spaces in the distant horizon, but who wants to walk 200 yards to get to the entrance? I sure didn't want to walk that far. This is America. Instead I drove up and down the parking lanes looking like Pac-Man. Eventually I gave in and parked far away and began my Moses-like exodus to the mall entrance.

Once inside, it was like a mosh pit full of people. It's the only place besides a school, where you will find both Raiders fans and emos in the same enclosure. You'll also see kids frolicking about, while you wonder where their parents are, and old people moving around lethargically, while you wonder how they got there and how they are getting out.

I'm not sure anyone enjoys the mall. I saw a child on one of those quarter rides looking painfully disgusted. Me and her made eye contact and I could feel her pain. I didn't want to be there either. But where else can you have the convenience of store options within walking distance?

I feel so out of place at a mall. I seem to be moving twice as fast as anyone else. Like some kind of olympic prodigy. **I guess its the fact that I try to avoid people as much as possible.**

Once I bought what I needed, I suddenly became Charlie with the Golden Ticket and I needed to return to Grandpa Joe. No one was going to stop me from getting home. Thats what I said before I saw her.

As I was power-walking my way back like a pregnant woman at a park, I saw this girl. She was incredibly attractive and was looking in my direction. **My first instinct was to walk around her to completely avoid any conversation. But her eyes were so inviting. Honestly if she was ugly like everyone else in the mall, I would have gone around. This girl was a diamond in the rough. As I got closer I saw her eyes light up a bit and she did the hair tucking behind the ear move. Suddenly the mall didn't seem so bad anymore. I didn't know what to say, but I knew I had to say something due to the constant eye contact. I never get myself into situations like this. Fortunately for me she spoke first...






"Do you have AT&T service?"

I hate the mall. I also hate AT&T prostitutes that stand 10 feet outside their kiosk.

What the Bloody Hell?

This is not a rebuttal. This is merely a response. Before you continue you may want to read this fantastic blog: What Is Going On Down There?

Men will NEVER "get it".

(WARNING: Graphic subject matter and tons of lame movie and tv references. I'm actually challenging myself to how many I can do.)

That statement is partially true. Though the sexual prowess women seem to feel during that time of the month is equal to every single day a guy wakes up in the morning. It's fun and exciting to witness a female feel exactly how we do, but like an M. Night shyamalan movie, there's a twist. To achieve probably the best sex ever, we have to chance an occurrence that might leave the room looking like a crime scene only Dexter would understand. Yes, like a Daniel Day-Lewis movie...There Will Be Blood, and I don't want a damn milkshake.

Now for those of you that know me, we're going to have to go way back in time. We're going to have to hop in that DeLorean and hit 88 mph. There once was a time when I was a typical guy and dated or something close to that. Yes, it's hard to believe. During those years I did notice that there was a correlation to women's friskiness and their visit from Aunt Flow. What kind of sick joke is that?

I once was influenced through a lot of making out and foreplay to do the forbidden deed. Besides, I was young and didn't know what to expect. I was told the-soon-to-be-common, "its my last day." So I figured it should be fine and wouldn't be like that elevator scene in The Shining.


Long story short, (by long story I mean 10 minutes) I was traumatized. Not during the evil deed, but afterwards. How did I succumb (pun intended) to this? It looked like I had a murder weapon attached to me. Why did this have to happen? I vowed never to do that again. Someone once suggested oral. Are you serious? I'm sorry I'm not Edward Cullen and this isn't Twilight. Maybe a vampire would be okay with that. Not I.

It's just not fair.

Who Are You, and How Do You Know My Name?

Awkward moments happen. Its a fact. We are never ready for it; never prepared. They spring up out of the blue and distort our thoughts and actions. I believe thats what makes it awkward. We revert to our animalistic instincts and react without conscious thought. Its only after the moment has happen, do our minds reflect on what just happened. Then the feeling of either embarassment, guilt, or shame crowd over our minds, depending on the situation. I, being an awkward person in general, probaby add to these moments.

I went to the bank recently to deposit a check and withdrawal some money. I stood in line and filled out the necessary form for such a transaction. I got to the point where I was next in line and a bank teller flashed that little light. Like a moth, I went toward the light. As I strutted to the bank teller, I heard a woman's voice out of nowhere say, "Jason! Hey! How are you?" I had my mind on my money and my money on my mind so it took a couple of seconds for my brain to realize someone said my name. When I made the correlation that my name is Jason, I instantly turned to the direction of the woman and said, "Pretty good, thanks." I said it without even looking at her. As I uttered that generic response, I made eye contact with her.

WHO THE HELL IS SHE?

She was an employee of the bank. She was sitting at a desk on the other side of the building, perhaps 10 yards away. This happened during the day, so I didn't have my glasses on. I felt so helpless like Mr. Magoo. I didn't have a single clue as to who that was. I saw she was with a customer so I acted as if I didn't want to interrupt her so I continued to the bank teller.

Now this is when I started to over think. Who was she? She doesn't even look faintly familiar. I began to play detetective and thought about high school, elementary school and past jobs. Nothing rang a bell. Every memory came to a dead end. It was like watching the first half of a Forensic Files episode. At that point I began to feel like I was rude to her by answering her and walking off. I made myself believe that she was staring at my back the whole time.

Of course the bank teller was having a computer issue and needed to go get help. I was annoyed with the fact that I didn't know who this woman was. I slowly turned to look at her. I could see her talking to a customer. I could also hear that she was speaking Spanish. A clue? Not really. Then she noticed me looking at her. Oh boy. I gave a smile and luckily my bank teller came back so I was able to turn around for a reason. I heard a co-worker call out to a "Maria." Was that the woman's name? I couldn't look again. I just wanted to leave.

The Bank Teller asked me how I wanted my cash. I said hundreds. Yes, I'm big pimpin'. Oh, to his surprise! He doesnt have hundred dollar bills anymore. It was time for him to leave me alone with Maria again. She didn't have her customer anymore, but a co-worker was over at her desk, talking to her. I was afraid she might start a conversation with me once the co-worker left. I needed to to avoid the dreaded I'm-not-sure-who-you-are conversation. I feel like its demeaning to a person. So instead I totally brush them off, ignore them and treat them as if they have leprosy.

As soon is I received my money I dashed out of there. Will I ever see Maria again? Probably not, but she will live forever in my blog.